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Letting go of control can be a good thing

The most terrifying part about joining Bushwise is letting go of control. You have all the power to determine whether or not you will be successful in the field or the classroom but have to give that control up when it comes to the work placement. I have always had a very linear vision of how my life has to go and for the past two years, I knew I would be at Bushwise post-graduation. Now, as the course comes to an end I am faced with the reality that I have no idea what is next. 

All of the staff have been supportive of each and every one of us, which in retrospect can’t be easy considering we all wish to go in completely different directions. Unfortunately, it took me a bit too long to trust the judgement of others, experienced in the field, regarding where I should end up. Instead, in an American fashion, I strong-armed my way into an interview where I believed I was meant to be. After a day I realized the terrifying reality that maybe I don’t know what is best for me right now. The potential placement was amazing, beautiful, filled with passionate people, it checked all my boxes but still, I was haunted by the feeling that I simply could not fit into this puzzle. 

For about 6 months Sharin has been reiterating that sentiment to me but I refused to listen. I am happy for that in a lot of ways as there will no longer be the question of what if or comparison made based on these imaginary boxes to checked. I am sad to have wasted any time or energy of any individual involved but alas here we are. The difficult American is asking for a backup plan! 

That is just the thing about the bush- you can’t always expect things to work out the way you want them to. You take what the bush gives you and trust me when you fight it, it ends up hurting. You may often hear people saying “The bush provides” and it really does! I have had an extraordinary experience learning with epic sightings and making friends for life. The next six months will provide too. Of that I am sure. Putting that kind of faith into another person’s hands was just not easy for me. Have I learned my lesson? I would say yes. 

I would also say thank you for all of the patience that has been given to me over the past six months and my (at times) uncontrollable desire to be in control.

Mara Vinnik

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